Would the brain be damaged, or would everything just stick itself together instantly?
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With what sort of tool? Is it sterile? How quickly would the cut be complete? – Robert Columbia Sep 12 '17 at 08:27
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Picture instantly removing a slice from a person – Sam51 Sep 12 '17 at 13:55
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3I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because it isn't about help as defined in the [help]. – Lucky Sep 12 '17 at 18:44
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Wait @Lucky, what do you mean "isn't about help?" We're trying to avoid medical advice help type questions... I agree it's not quite in scope, it is more a theoretical question like a worldbuilding.se question, or since it's about anatomy/physiology maybe biology would be better. – DoctorWhom Sep 13 '17 at 07:33
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Yes, the brain would be damaged, including the brainstem, which would almost certainly be nearly instantly fatal. The heart, spinal cord, esophagus, trachea, stomach, intenstines, liver, bladder and numerous major blood vessels, nerves and lymph vessels would also be damaged. Death would be nearly instantaneous. – Carey Gregory Sep 13 '17 at 17:54
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OHHH @Lucky did you mean "health?" Sorry I didn't consider that. Rather than close it, can you move it to Biology? It's a legit question, and interesting. – DoctorWhom Sep 13 '17 at 18:18
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@DoctorWhom Yes, health, it was a typo, haven't noticed it, sorry (I must have had the "help centre" in mind while typing). "Help" indeed does sound strange in this context, I appologise for the confusion. The mods can migrate a question, all you need to do is flag it (but I don't know if you are a member at biology SE - if not maybe you can check whether it is in scope there first). – Lucky Sep 13 '17 at 23:24
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I'm not a mod there but I was on there before HealthSE existed. Flagged with "Please move to biology. I feel it meets the scope there, as it is anatomy-based, albeit theoretical. I like these questions, they help you consider the relationship between position and function." – DoctorWhom Sep 14 '17 at 03:32
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@Lucky I can't tell, was this moved or just killed? It really should be moved, I don't like seeing good questions die because it didn't get migrated. – DoctorWhom Sep 15 '17 at 07:15
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@DoctorWhom Sorry for the late response. As long as it's here it couldn't have been moved (when you click on a migrated question you are automatically redirected to the other SE site where it is - the question would be deleted here after 30 days but the link would remain). It's not exactly killed either - since it has upvoted and accepted answers it won't be auto-deleted. Maybe you can ping the mods - if they have been swamped they may not have seen your flag. You can also check out your profile and see under "flags" whether this one was deemed "helpful", "unhelpful" or is still pending. – Lucky Nov 04 '17 at 08:29
2 Answers
A person is not a loaf of bread, but a network of organs at various positions that depend upon each other. What you are basically asking, would damage some organs by cutting them in half this rendering them useless, while others you would only cut off the blood supply, which would kill them. TLDR they would bleed out before anything else could happen.

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Adding to the above answer, the most immediate fatal events are:
While you can cut the corpus callosum effectively separating R/L cerebral cortex without killing the person, splitting your midbrain/brainstem is instant game over. Almost all signals to/from the rest of the body and cerebral cortex, including your heartbeat breathing and consciousness, originate or go through there. There are multiple points of crossover that you'd interrupt - there and throughout the spinal cord.
You'd transect critical vessels (the aorta at the arch, superior/inferior vena cavae, circle of Willis, dural sinus) so you'd both dump out massive blood volume in an instant, and stop all further circulation. Vessels don't auto-seal, even a small break can cause significant leaks. Transecting your CSF ventricles would drain the fluid from the brain.

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